TALESMEN- MIDNIGHT PALAVER
By: MOSES OLAROTIMI (Sheyzznote)
‘Eriwoyaaaa!’, words of a deep native doctor’s voice, piercing the heart of the silent night. A big calabash sat firmly upon a lad’s head, it content was a fresh Isi-Ewu (goat head) with blood still oozing from it neck. It was a slow rhythmic walk, the lad proceed with caution some pace ahead of the native doctor, while he lagged behind peeping into the darkness as if he wasn’t sure if what he was doing was right.
‘Stop there!’ Came a voice from behind a mango tree. The vigilante put on his flash light, pointing towards the native doctor and the lad, ‘where una dey go for dis middle of nite?’ He began to move towards them, his gun held in one hand, and flash light in another.
‘Me na herbalist for dis town. Many sabi me; Baba Fagbamila, mouth and ears of the Oracle. I wan giv chop-chop to the three-path junction Orisa, please allow us proceed without delay’, said the native doctor. The vigilante stood gallantly before them; look straight into the lad’s face. Poor boy! He was already sleeping on his toes, but still carrying the burden of a dead goat’s head.
‘Thunder fire dat ur smell-smell mouth. Na una dey dirty our environment wit useless sacrifice abi? Which yeye three-paths junction juju you dey talk about? Dat junction don full wit una rubbish food wey una dead gods no dey eva chop. Imagine dis beta Isi-Ewu wey we for take do pepper soup, na him u wan go waste for dat place’, pointing his flash light inside the calabash to be sure of what he was making claims on. ‘I go use you do scape-goat today, you mad man. People dey sleep, you dey make noise for road for here. I go show you pepper dis nite’. He balanced his gun well in his hand, and aimed it at the native herbalist who was standing with jaws dropped in surprise. He was caught up in fear, but tries to put forth a courageous stance. ‘Ha! You dis night crawler, don’t invoke the wrath of the gods upon yourself and your generation o. Na jeje i dey go o, wey you com wele me begin accuse me of my job. May Esu (Satan) not use you o’.The Vigilante burst into laughter, ‘your job? You dey cwaze! Let me tell you all the offense wey you don commit wit dis your garrulous action, as per say you no sabi law. Offence number
2- publical newsans,
3- pikin abush,
4- envarunmental pollusionalism,
5- consti…constibution dabarunism,
all dis na crime against law, and you are under arrest’. The native doctor became so confused, but he would not give in so easily. He burst into a thunderous laugh that almost scared the hell of the vigilante, who was not sure what it was that made him laught so sarcastically. The herbalist knew his moment has finally come, he decided to put up with some challenge. ‘Vigilante or Area watch dog or wetin dem dey even call you, don’t ever try show law for me, i sabi my right pass wetin you dey fit dey think o. Make I tell you the offens wey you just gbagaun too. Number 1- salandarous, 2- falls accunsetionalism, 3- infingaring of my religious right, 4- participation in unlawful job not consti…consti…mogbe o, dis na gramma o! Constibusionaly sabi sabi, 5- use of unregis…ta killing machine, 6- Arasmenti, 7- disropton of juju sacrifice, 8- mis…misrepu…posentasion. And I redi to charge you to courtu for all dis vao…nasion of congitu-gbana goberment law’.The Vigilante push back some steps, look left and right direction to see if any one was listening or watching them. ‘How herbalist like u take sabi goberment law?
You dey show yourself abi? For your mind you don become oga barrister abi? Na here daybreak go meet me and you, you go com explain give people wetin you want take dis small boy do. Na people like you dey take people do juju, God don catch you today’, he pointed the gun at the native doctor, ‘if you move, I move you. Just respect yourself and maintain for there’. The young lad dropped the calabash on his head at the native doctor’s feet, and lie down beside it, he was immediately heard snoring deep as the two men stood watching his strange act all the while. ‘Which kind Vigilante you be sef? I go curse you o!’ Shouted the native doctor, his patient were wearing out already, ‘you be enemy of progres o.
I dey doing my religious work and you com dey hia accusation me of nonsense. Abeg, free me like Terry G before I Sangolo and Malango for you o, I get work to do’. The mouth of the gun hit the native doctor on his chest, ‘you don dey mad abi? See me see wahala dey o? I go fire you if you try move, useless juju man! Your secret don expose. Breeze don blow, and fowl yansh don dey public. Today na today’. The native doctor began to make incantations in native dialect, waving the horsetail in his hand.
He hit the ground thrice, and spat before the Vigilante. The Vigilante jump back in fear, he has been watching the native doctor all the while performing his madness, but all of a sudden the cloud began to form, the wind began to blow, lightning flashes the sky. The native doctor was surprise as much as the Vigilante; they both look up to the sky, and knew it was time to run for shelter. Nature’s warning was too short to wait their options, the rain poured out from the sky with great anger as if God was tired of their gibberish talk. The Native man picked up the young lad in his arms, the Vigilante carried the calabash and it content without been told, and together the two men took to their heels heading for the native doctor’s house not far from that spot.
– Moses Olarotimi (sheyzznote)